1. |
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This is the preface to what I’m waiting for
With my luxury of subtlety I will leave them wanting more
I have Ill gained intentions by the sleeve if you want Them
Don’t be so hard on yourself I think you’re elegantly fallen
I love October, it reminds me of your self injury
how you could mean nothing to the world but still mean the world to me
How three months of your sincerity made me a hyperbole
I’m the biggest joke and how moving back has made it hard to breathe
Morning walks through foggy Seattle streets
With a smile of autumn and with the pace of a thief
Hold your laughing to yourself until the next time that we meet
Greet me with a kiss, a forceful hug overflow of disbelief
Coldness in our eyes Low hanging clouds will not subside
Her fear of being alone is why were the Same on the inside
I love the way she stays composed as if she isn't breaking down and
How you would ever know shes a small disaster away drowning
We go on our merry way with the most detailed of plans
And bullshit assumptions they're not out of our hands
Before we walk another feet we need a disruption at least
To get us past the talking points of what we think that we belief
I need a miracle or at least a tragedy
Anything that will remind me of my ability to breathe
I need a love story that will do more than get me by
And push me to want more than to just Make it out alive
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2. |
The Art of Staying Fly
01:51
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Imagine us moving to New York lights indie music playing over color corrected nights
it's not the notes that we play but the time between
so its not the words that we say but the silence between
In a perfect world we'd never miss the plans that we make
so it looks like this son of Adam is waiting for you to be late
But it's not.
Just me looking at San serif phone notes
Idealizing old friendships and remembering old quotes
My favorite thing about her is how she's just like me
Knows good news can change the world but she is so lonely
laughing because this ending is hella belated
And I'm not over anything I'm just sure I'm overrated
so I'll find in these things all the blanks that I know
and if this is goodbye then it's so one sided
You thought I was lonely?
With nowhere to go?
Heart of stone it's hardly hard to write it
If it makes you happy I'll pretend that everything is alright though we don't talk anymore. If it makes you happy I'll pretend that I am alright and you don't want anymore and I'm moving with you as you sing along to all the mistakes that we make the second chances that we take
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3. |
On Lent
02:49
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I wish I could pull my insides out and throw them out in the open hope that you could see
that everyone's broken and need of hope But the words we share haven't shown any signs of
growth just correction of direction and I stand corrected but I'd rather be corrected moving
forward I'd rather be standing shoulder to shoulder gathering strength with you brother
knowing some day this will all be over okay Let's dream of a day when we'll be okay lets
dream of the day when we'll be alright let's put our heads together and learn how to take on
life lets arm ourselves and talk of peace, please set your mind at ease knowing that your
clean we'll wear our struggles like our finest clothes because we know oh God we know
and i cant tell you If the grass will grow and i cant even say that I could hope to know
all that i'm sure of is the things that i've seen A heap of broken images and and a sun
that beats the dead tree gives no comfort so tonight it will not cover us I used to be the
king of hope now i'm just the king of cover ups I care less about getting back to point
where i can breathe than bringing you back to the point where you have high opinions of me
so when i'm done waiting for april i'll start waiting for may and hope we don't know that we
know i don't mean a word I say no I do not think i'm over making sad songs yet at least not until
the ideas that I gave you you get And I cant even tell you if these trees sproutif my uneasiness
is the roots then its branches are doubt but i can only speak from experience
the only thing i'm sure about is that you wont be hearing this
and i've been scrubbing and scrubbing but this wont go away
they told me truth brings freedom but not without pain
I just want you to think that i'm still a hero
i just want you to think that i'm still
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4. |
Gravity
02:28
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Seeing your cold dead body But still taking breaths and how you're breaking down made
me see I didn't have time left before I would follow suit And crash to the ground to love
ones gathered around but I'd only hear the sound of “I told you so's” and “you knew I was
rights” Waiting for hours on end for any signs of life so they'll find me closer to where
they will find her with a faded tattoos on my cold skin I don't believe in reminders So this
is the answer to questions I was afraid to ask covered in big four letter words that I
cannot take back she said she's never seen a horror movie in real life as I Showed her
what a grip from cold blue fingers can feel like but this is just my attempt at Ascension
and at escape This is my failed attempt at making something great so this is it I deserve
all that I get all that I get this is the end and I deserve all that I get
Nothing like a car crash to make you feel finite or a shattered wrist to end the perfection
that is my night I just want you to return and break all of my bones they say showers work
wonders but I'm too far gone what a cheap protagonists right the perfect day is going to
end with a brave New World night I'm sorry I'm not a sad success I'm just a good liar that
is not depressed
Breathe in breathe out you ever wonder what it's like when you bleed out
you can stop cause you can see you now yeah you can see now
I hate your small-town heart your big city dreams
The way your body lays lifeless but mocks me when it breathes
(It's getting dark outside it's getting cold again
she's all mine and if she breathes for anything it's probably me)
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5. |
Four Is The Magic Number
02:16
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five out of five but I aint playing the rating game and the more things change it feels like they stay
the same like “my song are getting sadder but i’m still on that hope” and “I’ve made more friends
but i’m still cripplingly alone” and i’ve said I’ve made more but they’re just hard or paperback and
they Dont audibly answer any of the questions that I ask I want you to be there when I need
someone to kill my silence and be the Object and the target of my ever-wondering-iris plural I
miss the way our fingers interlaced perfectly and when its said and done will you share these
four words with me your green dress and blue eyes are gonna be the death of me the grace
my only hope reality my enemy so I take it this is where that hope comes in your framing story
says a lot about what your hope is in this mountain air is making it so hard for me to breathe
and as difficult as it is its even harder for me to leave this is goodbye but its not a celebration
if my leaving is anything its a timid invitation I still have that rosary you left on top of my dash
board here’s to hoping you say bye before i say hi to this passport
yeah she’s just like me, so lonely
VERSE TWO
if this is goodbye then I’m okay with that and I’m over all the garbage that I cant take back
you can’t have friendships without agendas and good beginers are just bad enders
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6. |
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She’s got black hair and eyes that are blue she’s got a mauve soul I’ve grown to like that too
and she’s cooler than the weather so its easy to see why I’m confused you would want to
spend a second with me so these eighty beats per minute serve to compliment my own
when your eyes light up when you speak my heart moves slow ask me what i’m feeling but
the only thing I taste is the fact that right now these feeling aren’t so out of place I just want
to keep walking and for this night to never end content with interlacing finger tips with the
hand of my friend cause agendas are overrated and kind of messy so i’ll keep on smiling
if my depression lets me for you I wrote a song about the feelings I missed no i’m pretty
sure I wrote a song about someone who dont exist
how you gonna say life is hard if you’ve never lived it
I’m done talking about things that I’m not getting
and I still want to drown everytime that you leave the song says gently teach me how to
breathe and I’ve made my words cheep but I’m gonna wake up soon I’ve got too many
promises I’ve yet to live up to we were too drawn out over dramatic at best I said she
needed to get rest and she said I had too much so I’m here waiting for a goodnight call
I guess my problem’s always been my hopes are too way small its saturday night I’ve got
no plans if you don’t and if you don’t want me to speak than I can promise I wont you don’t
get off work till seven I’m okay with the wait cause I cant think of anything better than to
stay up late we can play all your favorite songs if you don’t tell me I’m lying when I let you
know your music taste is so much cooler than mine we can lie through our teeth and say
we’ll call it a night and fall asleep to conversation and a navy blue light
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7. |
Coming back To Messes
02:29
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Welcome home
I feel like I've said this before
The second you fingers Make contact with that door
It's welcome home
Welcome home
I know I said this before
The second that you make that first step on my floor
And if you want to call it a night then we can yeah we can
And if you wanna say it's alright then we can yeah we can
If you had a million dollars what would you do
With numbers so young and noomas so old
Lets fall love when the leaves turn gold
Cause the name itself antonyms our souls
I wish you could See how dark it is here and it's only three
Stranded to this desert rain And it's only me
Autumn is so cruel but full I wish it could always be night
you are so beautiful I wish you could always be right
But with as many assumptions you make
Your bound to make a few mistakes
As you hide your ground like hands while they quietly quake
You should change your name to tragedy perfect for this so one sided
I have enough self hate for the both of us in this so unrequited
When you step out of your car and breathe in that small town oxygen
For the first time in months do you feel at home and yet lost again
And is the thought of me enough to turn your clean lungs black
Till you can't inhale too much you have the sweetest panic attacks
Is this the way love at first sight is supposed to feel
The way you shake shake shake won't you let me hold you still
If I had a million dollars I'd buy enough gasoline to make
your dreams come true
And burn down all the places you've been hurt
still not redeemed by you
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8. |
Jonah And The Trill
02:26
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You look fantastic in that midi dress
And with a kiss from you I wouldn't need a eucharist
Its funny how touch can change everything
Cause you talk like winter but have lips like spring
And I don't need to know the meaning I can make my own
We all have our own songs that we sing at
our distinctive tones
You say it's okay too many people say that it's not
After they ask for a miracle cause they've lost the plot
So I'll listen to you outstretch these fragile appendages
With medium drops kissing my hand that make me wonder
what the message is
Good luck finding home in this over sized sphere
we got nothing but vacancy nobody is here
It's just a big ball of dirt but we call it
Sphere
Spoken out, nobody is here
How many times does this have to play again
To get you to ask what exactly was meant
It's like These broken cords are the wall in between us
And don’t say we’re okay like you haven’t seen us
So I take it its an ending Jonah right?
Make your own adventure closure overnight
I was never good with literature so I was left in the dark and
Laughing cause you made me feel so out smarted
This not me saying it okay everything that you did
But I found worth in some of the words you said
If the moral was up to but I know it's not
I hope your content with the value of everything you got
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9. |
Freddies Sad Orchestra
02:19
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I'm amazed that she can smoke when the rain is falling like that
And the only times I think she's lying when she said I'll call you right back
I have a bottle of drink to mix with this liter of paint thinner
It's not a lot but but enough to get us both through the gray winter
Nothing like a December night to complement our disappointment
in reality ourselves and all the things we used the Hope in
Self image it tells you “you break everything you touch”
But that's a symptom of believing in little gods and having luck
So lets keep talking till we get to the bottom of this lake
I mean the bottom of our mistakes Not an answer to what aches
I got no time for jokes and even less time for irony
Explain to me in detail How hard it is when you try to breathe
A copy of left behind she reads with hallelujahs
And gets a kick out of justice assuring me that “God is good huh”
Every rapper needs a gold chain mine has an anvil as a charm
But it's weight is my regret so you should not be alarmed
If i jump in this water do you think I'll be alright
I hear the Sound is pretty deep baby lets call it a night
Sitting on the boardwalk floor next to the coldest of shores
Left three days ago left our phones on ignore
I need Jesus sized forgiveness for who I've let myself become
Answer machine it humms
Leave it till the ringings done
My friend told me were living in the resurgence of minor chords
I guess that i am Jonah lamenting his broken gourds
I've become good at painting scenes that end with dissonance
Because notes won't matter as long as they make you dance
I'm breaking the fourth wall, This is my apology
IM SORRY
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The Medium The Message & Myself Artesia, New Mexico
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